I have suffered from depression since I was in high school and likely even before that. I had no idea what was wrong with me. I just felt depressed all the time even though I had a great life. I was good in school, had great jobs, great friends, a great family – nothing was wrong except for how I felt all the time. When I was about 24, I had a boyfriend who told me he was leaving me because he couldn’t handle my depression and that I should go on medication. What the hell was depression? I had no idea what he meant. I went to the doctor and was put on medication and lived on it for years. I was angry, mean, suicidal, even cutting myself at times because it was the only way I knew to get the rage out without going insane. I always just thought that I was crazy and many times would dare myself to commit suicide, sometimes taking enough pills before going to bed that I didn’t know if I would wake up. It was a very difficult time and the worst part is that I hid it from almost everyone. I remember lying on the floor, bawling in agony and answering the phone, chatting like nothing was wrong, then going back to the agony. Life felt like a curse!!!
I met an amazing man who offered a lot of support through some really tough times and I am so grateful for him. He introduced me to a therapist who did EMDR treatments and it helped me a great deal. We then got married with the hope of having children. We tried to get pregnant but had no luck. This just pushed me further and further into depression because I kept thinking having children would make me happy – something in this world had to make me happy eventually. I am so grateful now that I was unable to get pregnant at that time because I was still an emotional wreck, even though I had improved enough to feel stable at times.
One day, my mother-in-law called and asked if I had ever tried BodyTalk. I have to admit that what she described sounded a bit crazy to a computer programmer like me but I was willing to try anything to get pregnant at that point. I remember my BodyTalk session with Allison Bachmeir was just so fascinating and I just wanted to know more about what she was doing. I signed up for Modules 1 and 2 before I left her clinic and I began my BodyTalk journey.
I fell in love with BodyTalk – it was my passion – I couldn’t stop taking BodyTalk courses because I just wanted to learn more. I started a practice in March, 2007 and have enjoyed every moment of it. I was able to wean off my medication with the help of BodyTalk before getting pregnant in 2008. I had manyBodyTalk sessions, including one with Dr John Veltheim and took a number of BodyTalk course before getting pregnant and having 2 beautiful babies. Having children was the most exciting thing for me, however, I began feeling like I was being pulled down the spiral of depression once again but because I was not suicidal like before, I did not recognize it as depression – until I had a session from Dr Veltheim in 2012. His session addressed issues around the depression that I didn’t know I had. A few days after his session, I began to see a therapist who led me to live in awareness – to watch how I am living. Living with awareness showed me that I was so depressed but I had kept myself so busy that I never recognized it. I knew that I needed to see a doctor. I went to see my doctor the next day and I felt like the biggest failure sitting in the waiting room. I was a BodyTalk practitioner – I am supposed to help people feel better – why on earth can’t I help myself feel better??? I got the prescription for the antidepressants and I literally felt better the second I had the prescription in my hand. I now see how I had such a strong belief in medication and that is why I had to use the medication in order to feel better. I saw Dr Veltheim again in April, 2013 and had another session from him. I was freaking out before my session, wondering if I should tell him that I went on anti-depressants – would he think I am a failure as a practitioner for having to take medication? I went up for my session with him and very sheepishly told him about the medication and he looked at me and said, “that’s great because sometimes the medication will help calm your brain down enough for the BodyTalk sessions to work” Phew, he didn’t think I was a failure! He did a session on me and I did feel much better after but still felt like I needed medication in order to function.
In April, 2014 I saw John again for PaRama2 practical in Calgary. He did a session on me and when I came home, I reached for my antidepressants and intuitively felt like I no longer needed them. I stopped taking the pills that day and have never felt better. It has been 3 months now and I feel great. I am certainly not giving anyone the advice to quit their medication cold turkey without the assistance of their doctor but I just knew that I no longer needed the pills. I see now, looking back, that the medication helped me cope better with life so I am so grateful for the pills but I see how important it is to continue on the path of healing to get to a space where we no longer need medication. I feel alive again. I FEEL my emotions again. I feel sad and frustrated at times but I also feel happy and peaceful and alive as well – something that had felt so foreign to me for so long!!! I am so grateful every day for the BodyTalk System. I continue to heal in so many different areas of my life using BodyTalk – my relationships with others and with myself continue to change, my fears and worries are continually changing, my physical health is changing – basically everything in my life continues to change because I continue to have BodyTalk sessions regularly and I continue to take BodyTalk classes and I also continue to teach classes. I love noticing improvements in my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health and will never stop anticipating new levels of healing on this amazing journey that I am on. Even through life’s challenges, I am able to find peace and accept that life is happening FOR me, not TO me and that inner wisdom and healing is happening as a result of the challenges!!!
Thank-you, John, for this amazing system that you developed. I am grateful everyday for you <3